How to transform your life!
The 6 Human Needs
Before we start we should agree with the theory that for you to effectively transform your life for the better you need to have a level of leadership so, what's leadership? It is simply the ability to influence thoughts, feelings, actions, behaviours and emotions in people and, ultimately and most importantly, in yourself. Leadership skills can be developed and to effectively lead yourself into having higher standards and transform your life you must understand "what makes you do what you do?". There are three driving forces:
FORCE 1: "Human Needs Psychology" provides you with an answer to this question, explains why a person is willing to sacrifice their own life in order to save another one, while another person can kill a stranger for sheer pleasure. While we are all unique souls we all share a nervous system that works in the same way, we all have the same fundamental makeup. There are six fundamental needs that every person has and whether we think people are doing the right or the wrong thing, it is just simply an attempt to meet their needs, therefore, the answer to the question "what makes you do what you do?" is you attempting to meet your six human needs. The drive to fulfil our six human needs is encoded in our nervous system and we all attempt to meet them, whether we do it in a destructive or an empowering way is a different story. The purpose of understanding the Human Needs Psychology is: 1) to identify which of the six needs are your primary needs, 2) identify the pattern you have been using to meet those primary needs and, if it's a destructive pattern such as overeating, laziness, drinking alcohol, etc., 3) create a new empowering pattern which will meet your same primary needs so you create lasting change leading you to transform your life for the better.
It is not your conditions but your decisions that shapes your life!
People find ways of meeting these needs, they may be negative, positive or neutral and any pattern of activity, actions and emotions that meet at least 3 of the 6 human needs, it becomes an addiction. Likewise, people may have negative, positive and neutral addictions. The six human needs are:
- Certainty: the need to know that you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
- Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, for change, for new stimuli
- Significance: the need to feel unique, special, important, needed
- Connection/Love: the need to feel in connection, union with someone or something
- Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding
- Contribution: A sense of service and focus on helping, giving and supporting others
We all value these needs in different ways, typically there are 2 that you would value the most and you can determine them by analysing which 2 needs show up when you're stressed, angry or going through a difficult time or situation.
FORCE 2: "Blueprint" is your model of the world, how you believe the world, life and your conditions should be like. You use this to determine how to make sure you are fulfilling your 6 human needs. This "rule book" has beliefs systems and rules you believe are necessary to meet your highest needs, for example, if your highest needs are significance and love, your blueprint might have rules such as "I need to be highly educated and present myself as a smart person in front of others". This pattern of behaviour might meet your need for significance by being unique, special and important because of your level of education and can also meet your need for love from others by them seeing you as such a smart and educated person.
FORCE 3: "Emotions" are the fuel of choice, it's where you live. Whatever pattern of emotions you have buried into your body on a regular basis will affect your blueprint and filter your life experiences. This is the fuel that drives your beliefs and needs i.e. if you are consistently sad or depressed this may affect your blueprint leading you to think the world is, must be, should be a sad place and your experience of life will be unpleasant, sad or depressing no matter what life throws at you. Even if you have a great and pleasant experience you'll still find a way to justify why this might actually be not so good of an experience, a sad experience or even depressing.
So what do we do with all this information? Real simple, start by:
- Find your primary needs:
Analyse how you behave and which needs show up when you are angry, sad or stressed so you can determine your 2 primary needs.
- Identify your pattern:
Find a/the disempowering patterns of behaviour that you would like to change and how those patterns might be helping you fulfil those primary needs. Remember this is all at a subconscious level, you don't know you have a pattern to fulfil specific needs.
- Break the pattern:
Find enough good reasons why you should stop behaving that way or continuing on that pattern so you are convinced that you must change.
- New pattern:
Develop a new empowering pattern that is sustainable, that makes you feel good and happy and that fulfils the same primary 2 needs.
Here's a real-life example of how this can help you shape a better life - A young man wanted to quit smoking, he had been smoking for 15 years and it had become an addiction which he actually didn't enjoy anymore. First, he started by identifying that his 2 primary needs were Significance and Love/Connection noticing that whenever he was under stress, pressured or angry he would tend to ensure at all cost that he didn't lose his significance, uniqueness, love and connection from people. It was clear by the fact that he always had an excuse as to why he might have failed at something, it was never his fault, he was very good at the blaming game. The second step was to identify his pattern, he identified that he started smoking when he was in the last year of high school, there was a girl he really liked and she used to smoke with the cool boys from school so at a subconscious level he linked in his brain that if he started smoking he was also going to be a cool kid (significant) and it was also a great opportunity to be part of the cool group of kids and to spend time with the girl he liked (Connection & Love). The third step for him was to break the pattern, he recognised that smoking was bringing nothing good for him and his health plus he didn't need to smoke to have that sense of belonging or connection with people, he was now smoking all the time everywhere, alone or around people but he didn't need it to be social. He also noticed he was extremely unfit and his chances of getting cardiovascular disease were higher than the average healthy person. This young man decided to start exercising and to quit smoking for good, he did smart things such as making new friends at the gym, met some regular people at the local park where he would go for runs (this created an environment to support the change, new circle of influence) he actually started to feel that sense of significance, uniqueness or being special because he made a decision and after 15 years of smoking he just quit which is something that very few people have the willpower to do and because of his new healthy habits he started creating new meaningful relationships which also created that sense of belonging, connection, acceptance and love which is what we are all looking for any way.
Change is imminent but progress is a choice!
*Disclaimer: Individual results vary based on agreed goals. Click here for details.